TCW XIV: The Culling

Harley's Incredible Display of Man Talents - Chicago Winners

On Stage: F.A.L.S.E. walked out onto the stage, uncomfortably. Blanchard wore a blonde wig and perfectly applied makeup with jersey pants and tied off jersey shirt, Winner on the back. DiBiase donned a bald cap, done professionally, as well as a jersey custom made for him, Winner on the back.

“Go, Cubs, Go” began to play, and the gentlemen initiated the dance that David Ross had performed on DWTS. David had clearly taught them and silently cheered from the corner of the room. It finished with a grand flourish and F.A.L.S.E. bowed before exiting.

At the judge's desk, Volkoff wrinkles his nose in disgust as DiBiase and Blanchard walk off. He leans over to Andre - who is clapping enthusiastically - and observes, “I am surprised they couldn’t find a more attractive woman.”

Harley's Incredible Display of Man Talents - Order of the British Empire

On Stage: The lights dimmed and Guitar Hero's title screen flashed on the jumbotron. Then the Rock N Roll Express walked onto stage in full ring gear with custom guitars strapped to their back. They then wordlessly loaded up "Through the Fire and Flames" by Dragonforce on expert difficulty. They then played it flawlessly, they hit every combo and note without the expression on their face changing. When they had finished they smirked and walked off back to the back.

As the act progresses, Comrade Volkoff grows more and more distressed, eventually plugging his ears with his fingers. “Nyet! Nyet! This is not music! I will show you music! The greatest music ever made! The Russian National Anthem!” Volkoff rises to his feet and belts out the song in full voice while Andre and Harley try to get him to sit down.

Harley's Incredible Display of Man Talents - Natural Selection

On Stage: The camera shows Lord Regal sitting at a desk in a suit shuffling papers... Jerry Lynn comes in asks what he's doing, and he mutters something then you can 'ah, here it is'. He then gets up and proceed to do a very silly walk indeed. Lynn shrugs and follows him doing a different very silly walk. They go up to Harley and kiss her on the cheek at the same time then walk to the back with yet another silly walk.

Volkoff roars in laughter at the silly walks…but the humor ends when Regal and Lynn kiss the Acting Commissioner and the Head of Security quickly shoos them away. Andre, as with all of the acts, claps loudly at the displayed talent.

Harley's Incredible Display of Man Talents - Macho Machines

On Stage: The Armstrongs wheel a circus cannon on stage. Bob announces, “Today my son Brad, will perform the bullet catching trick.” “And my father,” announces Brad, “will perform the human bullet routine.”

Then “Bullet Bob” crawls into the cannon. Brad then lights it, and quickly runs to a spot in front of the cannon marked with a bullseye. A moment later “Bullet Bob” flies from the cannon with an explosion and slams into Brad. The two spin and turns back to face the crowd with Bob in Brad’s arms as both men give a thumbs up.

Comrade Volkoff stares at the Armstrongs after the act concludes, his face etched with confusion. Suddenly, the light bulb goes off and he bursts into laughter. “He caught a bullet! I get it!" Andre gets his fellow judge's epiphany and surges to his feet, knocking over the judge's table en route to a standing ovation. Harley jumps back from the chaos, then announces that the winner will be awarded later in the show after the judges have conferred.

"Now!" Harley declares with a finger pointed to the sky, "Let the combat commence!"

King's Guard vs. Marty Jannetty and Brian Christopher
The Crusher defeated Brian Christopher via submission (stomach claw) at 4:05. *

Thesz and the Crusher continued to impress as a team, dominating Jannetty and Christopher in a short showcase of a match.

Backstage: The feed cut backstage where the Alpha Males had downed the Road Warriors and were preparing to work them over with chairs. They ran out of frame, though, quickly replaced by Kris Bryant and Tony Rizzo, each brandishing an aluminum baseball bat. The champions scraped themselves up off of the floor, apparently free of any damage.

The Sheepherders vs. Ladies' Choice
Tom Prichard defeated Butch Miller via pinfall (ENZUIGIRI) at 6:26. *1/2

The momentum swung back and forth early, but the Sheepherders seemed to have no answer for Ladies' Choice speed advantage. After a thunderous back brain kick from Prichard, Miller stayed down for the three.

Post-Match: Doctors came out to tend to Miller, but the big kiwi waved them off. Luke helped him stagger to the back, with concerned medical staff trailing close behind them.

TCW World Tag Team Championship Match

The Road Warriors (C) vs. The Midnight Express (#1)
Animal defeated Stan Lane via pinfall (DOOMSDAY DEVICE) at 13:03. **1/4
Chicago Winners scored two points.

The Midnights showed a lot of heart here, but the enraged Road Warriors were like a force of nature in the ring. Lane kicked out of three POWER SLAMS from Animal, but the DOOMSDAY DEVICE was too much for him.

"The Man of a Thousand Holds" Johnny Saint vs. Bruiser Costa
Johnny Saint defeated Bruiser Costa via pinfall (cutblock and folding press) at 4:50. *

In a quick match, Johnny Saint cleanly outwrestled Bruiser Costa to score an impressive victory.

Harley's Incredible Display of Man Talents - Winner's Presentation

In Ring: All four teams were present in the ring with Harley Cameron and Comrade Volkoff, who held an oversized bowling trophy. "Men, you all did an incredible job of flexing your man talents," Harley began, "but there can only be one winner. Well, two winners, I guess, because there are two of you. I mean four of you, but really eight, but two individually. Anyway, our winners are ... The Armstrongs!" Comrade Volkoff handed them their trophy as they celebrated, with the other three teams shuffling off in disappointment.

Suddenly, the Blackjacks appeared from under the stage and slid into the ring. Windham took Bullet Bob out of the ring with a lariat, sending the trophy crashing into pieces outside, while Mulligan choked out Brad in the ring. As Comrade Volkoff shuffled Commissioner Cameron away, she waggled her finger in the air, yelling, "The people demand it! Ring the bell!"

TCW US Tag Team Championship Match

The Blackjacks (C) vs. The Armstrongs (#10)
Bob Armstrong defeated Blackjack Mulligan via pinfall (GEORGIA JAWJACKER) at 7:15. *3/4
The Armstrongs won the TCW US Tag Team Championship.
Macho Machines scored two points.

After the bell rang, Mulligan kept up the pressure, but Bob was eventually able to roll through an arm wringer into a hot tag out to Brad. From there, the Armstrongs showed impeccable teamwork and coordination, tagging in and out multiple times and stunning everyone in the arena by dethroning the US champs and winning the straps!

"Macho Man" Randy Savage and The Iron Sheik vs. Beemolition
Randy Savage defeated Jim Brunzell via pinfall (FLYING ELBOW DROP) at 17:15. ****

The crowd exploded for the Iron Sheik's appearance, and the big Iranian accepted their applause gratefully, if somewhat awkwardly. The match itself was a clinic, with both recent pairings looking incredibly sharp. Ultimately, Savage took advantage of a single mistake from Brunzell to drop him in the middle of the ring before nailing his finisher for the win.

The Fantastics vs. The Machines
Tommy Rogers defeated Brutus Beefcake via pinfall (ROCKET LAUNCHER) at 12:10. **3/4

The Fantastics looked great again, showing potent offense and incredible teamwork that was more than a match for the experience and power advantage of the Machines.

Larry "The Axe" Hennig vs. Magnum T.A.
Magnum T.A. defeated Larry Hennig via pinfall (BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX) at 6:02. **1/4

Both men looked good in the match, but Magnum got the upper hand after a wild brawl outside. Upon reentering the ring, he hit the BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX twice to get the win over the Axe.

TCW World Heavyweight Championship Match

The Destroyer (C) vs. Buddy Rogers (#7)
Buddy Rogers defeated The Destroyer via submission (FIGURE FOUR GRAPEVINE) at 2:07. *
Buddy Rogers won the TCW World Heavyweight Championship.
Natural Selection scored four points.

In a moment long awaited by TCW fans, Buddy Rogers claimed a spot in the lineage of the world title by taking out the Destroyer. He caught the champ with a chop block after a big missed lariat, and from there methodically worked the knee before locking in his finisher in the middle of the ring. With nowhere to go and no way to reach the ropes, the Destroyer had to tap to avoid serious injury from the devastating hold.

Backstage: As Pampero Firpo steps out of his locker room, he's met by all three of Randall Tame, Cubic Zirconia, and Ladykind. Randall Tame struck first, spraying firpo in the eyes with pepper spray, then he and Cubic Zirconia started dousing him with double-fisted squirt bottles of honey. As he flailed around, Ladykind threw a huge bag full of popcorn over his head, and as he struggled to get out, the three ran into him full speed, knocking him back into the wall and down to the floor. As they scampered off, Firpo finally cleared himself of the bag, as if having been tarred and feathered with honey and popcorn. "They've made popcorn Firpo of our champion!" declared Lance Catamaran flatly.

Steel Cage Match

Bruiser Brody vs. Larry Zbyzsko
Bruiser Brody defeated Larry Zbyszko via pinfall (JUMPING KNEE DROP) at 5:18. *

Brody dominated in his natural environment, the steel cage, and won a quick contest.

Pre-Match:As the horns blared heralding the arrival of the US champion, Pampero Firpo appeared at the top of the ramp, still covered in honey and popcorn. The Sheepherders flanked him on either side, with a woozy Butch Miller's head heavily encased in bandages. As Firpo entered to get locked in with DDP, the Sheepherders started to climb the cage. Butch fell off with a thud after two "rungs" of the cage, but Luke made it to the top of the ring just as the bell rang and flew off the top with a massive, awkward splash and flattened DDP with it.

TCW US Heavyweight Championship Steel Cage Match

"The Raging Bull of the Pampas" Pampero Firpo (C) vs. Diamond Dallas Page (#3)
Pampero Firpo defeated Diamond Dallas Page via cage escape (EL GARFIO) at 1:29. *
Order of the British Empire scored one point.

As the ref worked with the team outside to get Luke out of the ring and medical staff tended to Butch once again, Firpo worked over the crumpled DDP with knee lifts and then locked in EL GARFIO. Before the ref had fully regained control, Firpo was climbing the ring, and he quickly dropped down to retain his title.

Steel Cage Match - If He Wins, Hansen Gets Five Minutes with Heenan

Stan "The Lariat" Hansen vs. Mad Dog Vachon
Mad Dog Vachon defeated Stan Hansen via pinfall (PILEDRIVER) at 9:42. *

From his cage above the cage, Heenan did his best both to exhort Vachon to his best and distract Stan Hansen, and it seemed to do the trick. Both men hit huge moves and got nearfalls within the unforgiving steel, but a PILEDRIVER from Vachon kept Hansen down for good and spared Heenan his potential punishment.

Trial By Combat - Winners Get Three Title Shots at TCW XVII

Harley Race, Terry Gordy, and the Rat Pack vs. Nick Bockwinkel, Curt Hennig, and the Blackjacks
Harley Race defeated Nick Bockwinkel via pinfall (PILEDRIVER) at 34:23. Ted DiBiase defeated Nick Bockwinkel via pinfall (FULL POWER SLAM) at 40:58.
Barry Windham defeated Steve Williams via pinfall (LARIAT) at 43:09.
Steve Williams defeated Curt Hennig via pinfall (OKLAHOMA STAMPEDE) at 47:17
Terry Gordy defeated Blackjack Mulligan via pinfall (back suplex) at 50:47. ****1/2
The Million Dollar Team won Trial by Combat.

With the Blackjacks suffering some fatigue and being in a bad mental state after losing their titles earlier and Hennig still shaking off the effects of his recent injury, the Horsemen were fighting an uphill battle all night. They were able to hang early on, going toe to toe with with the Million Dollar Team for more than thirty minutes before the wheels came off. From there, the escapes came rapidly, and even with their man advantage, they weren't able to stave off the fresh and healthy Million Dollar Team's onslaught.